i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
