ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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