hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
