oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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