I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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