Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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