people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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