my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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