Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
