haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
