Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
