how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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