i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
