So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
