yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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