New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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