he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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