Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
