I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
