Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
