My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
