he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
