I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You just made me feel so damn special
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
