I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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