I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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