RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
nutella sex= disaster
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
