He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
