I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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