Yo dont text me then not text me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
