mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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