Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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