she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
