I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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