She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize