dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
