her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
