I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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