No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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