you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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