Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
