Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
