She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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