Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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