New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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