Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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