so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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