woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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