he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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