I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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