I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
