That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize