i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
