Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
