i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
