dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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