3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
