why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
