Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
God I need to hump something, right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
