Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
