She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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