I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
