I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
NoShamevember. You game?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
