One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
