Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
