In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
