Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
