I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
