He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
