just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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