And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
