Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
