When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
