I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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