WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
