haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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