either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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